i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
