i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
