Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm passing your future prison.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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