Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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