Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
