Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
