I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
