You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
