...so i touched it.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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