I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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