i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
