so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
