OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
