Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Who died my cat blue again?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
