Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
