You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize