And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
