well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
