There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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