It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
