i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
