3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
