She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Houston, we have a blender
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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