non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I want her autograph on my taint
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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