Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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