The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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