He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
