he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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