hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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