I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
