Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
