i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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