I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
