so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
