just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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