How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
