I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize