my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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