Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
