I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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