I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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