I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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