i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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