you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
