I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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