I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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