I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
