You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
