Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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