Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
