He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
