I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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