Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
