They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
