The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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