I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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