I have demons in me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
