Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
