I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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