its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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