Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
